It had been a night like every other.

Until it hadn’t.

2am.

That’s what the clock said when Jeon Jungkook  showed up at her doorstep. Looking tired and stressed, but those big, brown eyes pleading.

“Just let me in, babydoll, please.”

She had almost said No. Tired of him coming and going and hoping that for once he would stay when he was done fucking her brains out.

But then she looked at him, really looked at him.

The bags under his eyes from no sleep, the crease in between his brows from constantly furrowing them. The curve of his beautiful nose, his full lips. His lip piercings perking out.

And with a sigh, she let him in, opening the door wider. 

“Fine.”

She wanted so badly to resist him, finally say that this was the last straw, but the second the door closed and she felt his broad hands splay over her hips and his lips form against hers, she was done for.

But she had never been able to do that. Resist him.

A lost soul just like he was, they had found each other at a bar one late night. 

It had quickly ended in his bed.

And they had promised each other this was just stress relief, just this once.

But soon, he found himself buried deep inside of her again and again and again. Both still trying to tell themselves this was nothing more than stress relief.

When it really wasn’t.

And then… then it had turned bad.

Forced into hiding in this safehouse because his gang’s rivals had tried to assassinate her. The scar on her cheek the daily reminder of how close she had come to dying and all because she was Jeon Jungkook’s girl.

She was his girl, wasn’t she?

He had made sure she was safe, but it also meant he stayed away for long stretches of time, occasionally coming back to fuck her because he needed her and then he was gone again.

She understood somehow, but her heart didn’t.

Probably never would.

He pushed her backwards, through the hallway into her bedroom. At this point, he could follow these paths blindly, his mouth devouring hers, tongue slipping against hers as she moaned.

Whiskey and cigarettes.

That was Jungkook

Her hands were on his chest, curling into the red fabric of his shirt and trying to get a semblance of something to hold on to

There wasn’t much of that with him nowadays.

“Missed you, darling.” He rasped against her lips and she wanted to roll her eyes so bad.

“You only missed this pussy.” She responded, unable to keep the bite out of her words.

He noticed, cupping her face in his hands as his brow furrowed.

There it was, that look of his, concerned and caring.

“That too.” He said bluntly, thumbs rubbing over her cheeks, not hiding that he had indeed missed her in more ways than one. “What’s gotten into you, baby?”

She saw his pleading, brown eyes and knew she couldn't do it. Couldn’t be mad at him even though she wanted to be so bad. For leaving her heartbroken again and again and again.

But could she blame him when she was the fool who let him in time after time?

Who let him fuck her over and over again? No. No, she couldn’t. Not really, anyways.

His big, brown eyes. Now they were soft, caring, also filled with lust.

“Forget it.” She breathed, kissing him hard.

His hands roamed down the sides of her body, settling on her ass and squeezing hard, making her gasp. 

When the back of her legs hit her bed, he kept her from falling in, pressing her against him as if she could just vanish into the dark night otherwise. 

Almost desperate, as if something had happened. Like he wanted to drown his sorrows in her again, alcohol and cigarettes not helping anymore.

Or the body of a random prostitute.

Of course.

He needed more than just a wet hole to fuck for the night, needed her soft body, her moans, her whimpers.

Needed her arms around him when he took a moment to rest. Her mouth around his cock as he fucked her throat because she’d let him do that to her.

He was quick to slip one strap of her nightgown off her shoulder, groping her breast and swallowing her moan.

It sounded so sweet to him, knowing she was already dripping wet and itching to just let his fingers plunge into her. Her moans were soothing to him, silencing the demons in his head for at least a little while in a way whiskey and cigar could never.

So he pinched her nipple, rolling it between thumb and pointer finger, resting his other hand at the small of her back to pull her closer. 

He felt her own hands work on his belt buckle, letting out a grunt when she palmed him through his tight jeans, cock twitching in response to her touch, biting her bottom lip as he pulled away.

“Need it that bad, sweetheart?” He smirked when he said it, but she could hear his own lust in his voice.

Popping open the button of his jeans, she made quick work of the zipper as his lips pressed against hers once more, taking what he needed from her.

So soft. So unlike him. Where he seemed jagged and rough, she felt even and smooth.

When her hand wrapped around his cock inside his tight jeans, he grunted, forehead resting against hers as he closed his eyes for a moment.

Allowing himself to just stop in her presence.

To be the slightest bit vulnerable for once.

And for her, the last of her resistance melted away when she heard that noise, saw his face up close like this.

Knowing now that something had happened to drive him to her again.

Knowing she would let him do whatever he wanted to her just to drown out the demons, so he could find peace. Just for a moment.

Because she was stupid like that.

Because she loved him like that.

And loving Jeon Jungkook wasn’t easy.

She sat down on the bed but not before kissing his brow once, soft and tender, now pulling his jeans down over his hips, taking his underwear with it.

Of course he was hard already, leaking precum as she was almost at eye level with it, glancing up at him as her hands wrapped around his cock.

She saw his jaw set, eyes dark with lust, nostrils flaring.

Not once did she drop her gaze when her lips wrapped around him, humming at the taste of him and seeing how his teeth ground together, the muscles in his jaw and neck flexing.

His hand was in her hair as she took him deeper, tongue swirling around him. Not to guide her, just to hold onto something, his fingers curling into her hair, just watching.

“Just like that, babydoll.” It was barely above a whisper, breathless almost before he seemed to catch himself again. “Tastes good, doesn’t it?”

Working him deeper, spit pooled at the corners of her mouth, his cock hot and heavy on her tongue, she only stopped when the tip touched the back of her throat, her nose pressed against the hair on his abdomen.

Was it really him who needed to work through something or was she taking this opportunity to work through her own emotions with this?

With the way she clenched around nothing at the sound he made when her throat tightened around his dick, tears in her eyes, she felt pretty sure she almost needed this more than him.

Needed to know she could still keep and hold him with her just for a while.

“Fuck, you look so pretty with your mouth full of my cock, baby.” His voice was strained, dripping with lust, his hips slightly rocking into her mouth. “Wish you could see yourself, babydoll.”

She moaned, coming up for air and she sputtered, her hands now working on him as she inhaled.

Then, she was back on him, bobbing her head, feeling how her body warmed up just from this, her own hips grinding into the edge of the mattress but not finding any friction.

Trying all the tricks she knew, convinced she could make him stay somehow.

One of her hands dipped below the hem of her short nightgown, whimpering around him as she touched herself, needing something out of this for herself.

It was like a switch flipped in Jungkook, pulling her off of him by her hair when he felt himself too close to the edge.

Both breathing heavily, she didn’t stop her fingers, looking up at him with pleading eyes and parted lips.

His hand in her hair went to her jaw, forcing her mouth to open wider, and he smiled as she stuck her tongue out just a little.

She’d do anything to get him to stay.

“Open wide, doll.” Gathering his saliva, he slowly let it drip down onto her tongue from where he towered over her, keeping her head still. 

He watched how it slid down her tongue, how her brows furrowed in desperation as she swallowed it. 

“Good girl.”

Suddenly, his hands left her face, wrangling her back on the bed and forcing her hand away from her clit.

“Jungkook-” She whined, close to the knot in her stomach snapping. “Fuck, I missed you. I need you, baby.”

He brought her fingers to his mouth, tasting her and humming as she watched, arching on the mattress.

“You taste fucking amazing, my doll.” 

Letting her hand fall, his lips attached to her neck, drinking in her strangled moan as he kissed lower, down to her collarbone, even further down, his lip piercings tickling her flushed skin.

“Gonna give me more of that, won’t you?” He breathed against her skin, and she could feel his hips jerk forward, his cock brushing against her thigh. “Want me to eat that pretty pussy of yours, sweetheart?”

In the back of her mind a voice tried to remind her that in just a few hours he would be gone again, for days or for weeks probably and that she should just stop.

But she couldn’t.

His voice drew her back in, the warmth of his broad body perched over hers, making her feel secure.

The wetness of his tongue as his lips closed around her nipple, his teeth grazing over it, making her groan as her back arched into his mouth.

She really couldn’t.

“Kookie, please.” She moaned when he sucked a purple bruise into the skin of her breast.

Something to remember him by later.

To remind her he wasn’t just a ghost.

Slowly his hands peeled away her nightgown still hanging over one shoulder, dragging it down her body and over her legs, tossing it to the side. “Beg me more, darling.”

He loved that voice of hers, when she became desperate and needy for him. 

A groan bubbled in his throat when he sat back for a moment, to get rid of his jeans, seeing her practically dripping onto the sheets, her legs open.

Open for him.

Wet because of his cock in her mouth and his hands on her skin.

He could just dive in now, eat her out until she was a crying mess below him, but the sight of her fingers under her negligee had his mind racing, unable to get the thought out of his mind.

Even if he preferred that image over what usually occupied his mind.

“Show me how you play with that pussy when I’m not here, babydoll.” He purred. Eyes hungry, big, calloused hands on her knees, pushing them further apart.

Her brows knit together in confusion for a moment.

“You said you-”

He nodded his head slowly. “I wanna see you play with it first, baby.”

Voice smoother than anything she’d heard in her life. It could make her do anything.

Especially if it had a chance of making him stay.

“Fuck, Jungkook.” Her fingers delved between her folds, hips bucking against her own hand as she touched her clit. Imagining it was him doing it.

She watched him, eyes glancing down at his cock for a moment, seeing it bounce as she touched herself. 

The sight was borderline obscene, how it pulsed and glistened with her spit in the low lights.

Her fingers dipped deeper, slipping two inside of her with a moan, throwing her head back just for a moment as her breath hitched in her throat.

Jungkook’s fingers would feel so much better. So much thicker.

“Just like that, doll.” His lips attached to the inside of her knee, eyes flicking between her fingers as they pumped in and out of her and her face.

Watching as her eyes rolled back into her head, how she bit her lip. Her fingers wet from herself, spreading herself open for him as she pulled out momentarily. Putting herself on display for him.

It felt electrifying as he kissed the inside of her thigh, further down and further down to where she needed him.

Teeth leaving faint marks, his tongue soothing over them.

“Look at you,” the low vibration of his voice sent a shiver up her spine, squeezing around her fingers. “Fucking wet and aching to get filled by more than just your tiny fingers, baby?”

She nodded, daring to look back at him, gasping when he looked up at her almost like a predator.

Was that what he looked like hunting the men who forced her into solitude? 

Her body tightened at the thought, her orgasm taking her by surprise as she gasped his name, her movements inside of her not ceasing until she had ridden it out entirely.

“Fuck.” It was the only thing he said before tearing away her hand and delving into her, draping her legs over his broad shoulders.

“Jungkook!” 

Her orgasm wasn’t even really gone yet when he already built her back up, licking a broad stripe up her heat, humming into her. 

One of her hands threaded into his hair, unsure if she was trying to push him away or press him deeper into her. Pushing and pulling, nails against his scalp.

Truly, he was talented, lips closing around her clit and sucking so she whined and arched her back, one of his hands splaying over her abdomen so she’d stay on the mattress. Tongue diving into her, tasting her while his nose bumped into her clit.

“Keep saying my name.” He mumbled into her, vibrations going through her and up her spine.

Just for a moment he lifted his head and looked back up at her, eyes dark, his jaw glistening with her fluids. He looked filthy but fuck, it looked hot.

Eyes boring into hers, making a new wave of electricity run through her veins and she bit her lip hard.

Her hips bucking against nothing, chasing his mouth.

“Jungko-”

Then, he was back on her, tongue on her clit as he worked one finger inside of her, stretching her slowly. She forgot to breathe for a moment, squeezing around his single finger as he slowly pumped it in and out of her, adding a second soon after.

It made her still with a grunt, whining soon after at the loss of his mouth on her.

“C’mon, sweetheart.” He rasped, voice mocking, brows knit together. “I know you can take bigger than that.”

God damnit.

The memory of him last inside her was hazy, and even if she could never forget the delicious stretch of him, it still surprised her every time.

“Been a while.” She breathed, voice flat, hand tugging on his hair and making him groan into her, pushing him back down.

Close, so close.

Just a little more.

“Kook-”

He understood, curling his fingers and sucking on her clit, eyes on her face.

The coil inside her snapped with such force, she felt as if all breath was sucked out of her, throwing her head back with a cry of his name. Her hand kept him where he was and he didn’t let up his movements, letting her ride his face as her hips bucked.

Thighs closing around his head.

His own hips ground into the mattress below, making him groan.

Oh, how much he needed that gorgeous pussy around his dick, fucking his frustrations into her.

Her soft voice pleading for him, her hands on his skin. His only remedy in nights like this.

It took a moment before the waves of pleasure had finished washing over her, body spasming lightly when he forced her thighs to open so he could move over her body, taking his shirt off as he did.

Fuck, how pretty she looked all fucked out.

Eyes barely open as she looked at him. Lust in them, need.

But also… desperation. Not of the sexual kind.

The sight broke something deep, deep inside of him, unwilling to think about how he was most likely the reason for it.

And yet, he cared too much.

“My babydoll…” Voice soft, comforting. Understanding. His knuckles brushing over her cheek, so soft, so light.

Touching the scar that ran across the soft flesh.

There was still gentleness in him, hidden underneath the need to be composed and strong and uncaring and detached.

All that he needed to be for his job.

The job that almost fucking cost her her life.

But nothing that he needed to be for her.

The kiss he pressed to her lips was so careful, as if the mere thought of putting more force behind it could break her. His hand cupping her cheek as her own found the sides of his neck.

Faintly feeling the pulse running beneath her fingertips.

Kissing him back, tears in her eyes now that things slowed down just enough for her mind to clear for a single second.

“Stay.” She whispered when he pulled back slightly, her voice breaking. “Please, Kook.”

He couldn’t see her cry, hating that he was the reason why she was. Her big eyes glistening in the dark.

“You know I can’t, babydoll.” Guilt laid thick on his voice, thumb rubbing over her cheekbone.

Catching the first tear that fell.

He could still feel his desire for her, fighting with the urge to wrap his arms around her and hold her.

“But why, Kook?” The words caught in her throat and quickly his lips were on hers again, cutting her off so she couldn’t make him feel worse.

He couldn’t do that right now, couldn’t do comfort, just needing her to himself.

He had his own demons to fight tonight.

Stroking his cock for a moment, he lined up with her, still feeling her respond, her legs wrapping around his waist, tiny moans swallowed by his mouth.

Just the fact that she was willing to do this despite how she felt made him groan, rutting into her.

When he pushed inside, maybe a little less careful than he should have been, his mind only set on finding release, finding relief in her whole being, she cried out, nails digging into his biceps. Leaving behind marks in the form of crescent moons.

Still, Jungkook stopped himself halfway, had half a mind to remember it probably still hurt for her.

The stretch stung and she squeezed around him hard, trying to concentrate on relaxing.

But she could only think about how he had avoided her question.

How much of an asshole he was sometimes.

How much she still loved him despite that.

She was such a lovesick fool.

He kissed a trail down her jaw, teeth leaving their marks and his piercings tickling her skin, feeling his patience wearing thin as his hips rocked into her with barely-there movements.

“Shit, you’re always so tight, princess.” He grunted against her skin.

There was that stupid nickname. The one that always made her melt and forgive him anything.

Princess.

He knew exactly how to play her and she didn’t even mind.

Or she didn’t mind as much as she should.

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him against her, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

“Move.”

Jungkook started out slow, savouring each long, languid thrust, hearing how she whimpered when he pulled all the way out just to slowly, oh so slowly push himself inside her to the hilt once again.

That lasted for a minute maybe, increasing his speed while also thrusting harder.

“Keep making those fucking sweet sounds for me, princess.”

And she did, moaning and whimpering into his skin, hand in the nape of his neck and tugging at the hair.

She felt so full, so full of him, his cock perfect inside of her, making her head feel foggy.

“Darling, do you hear how wet you are?” He rasped against her ear, biting the lobe and tugging. “All wet for me, all mine, right?”

She nodded, getting closer and closer already. Still sensitive from her previous orgasms, slowly becoming overstimulated.

“Need to hear your voice, princess.”

He pulled back to look into her face, one of his hands coming up to cup her cheek, thumb roughly brushing over her bottom lip. It was obvious he was close too, losing himself.

“All yours, Jaykay.” She whined, his hand suddenly moving lower to press against her throat. Just holding her there, the lightest pressure. He wouldn’t squeeze, not tonight. “All yours.”

He smiled, crashing his lips against hers again, sloppily, all teeth and tongue, his hips jerking into her harder as his thrusts faltered a little. Not long now, not much. Close, closer.

Suddenly his lips were gone again, kissing and biting at her neck. “Where do you want me?”

Her mind was hazy, barely able to form a thought.

“Inside.” She breathed and she could hear him swear against her skin, something in korean she didn’t understand.

“Princess-”

“Inside.” Her voice left no room to argue, even if she was whining. But how could he refuse her? He’d do anything for her, still.

Just as she would for him.

The hand on her throat went down, giving her breast just one more squeeze before his thick fingers rubbed rough circles into her clit.

Hurling her over the edge, the coil inside her snapping as she came with a loud cry.

Her body trembled as she tightened around him, tears in the corner of her eyes, the fingers and his cock driving her into overstimulation, his praises in her ear.

“Like that, babydoll, fucking gorgeous.”

Just like that, his own orgasm overtook him, grunting like he was in pain and maybe he was, the force of it so strong it took his breath away, spilling himself inside her as he kept working her through her own.

“JK, stop-” She whined, tearing his hand away from her as he slumped against her body, pressing her down into the mattress with his full weight as he kissed her neck.

Peaceful, his mind empty.

As she held him, knowing this wouldn’t last. Knowing Jeon Jungkook rarely ever cuddled after fucking.

Stroking his hair and kissing his shoulder.

He almost convinced himself to stay.

Until…

“I love you, Jungkook.” She whispered.

And she immediately came to regret it as he got up, pulling out of her. Making her feel so empty already, feeling her heart break as he sat up.

He loved her too but, fuck, it was complicated.

Better if he didn’t. He’d fucked up once.

Reaching for his pants, he pulled out a cigarette and a lighter, then the stick hanging from his lips, taking a deep breath and exhaling the white smoke. 

His beautiful face briefly illuminated in a soft orange glow.

“Baby, stay. Please.” She said, her voice so broken and desperate he didn’t even dare to turn around as he put on his jeans, zipping them before sitting back down on the bed.

Couldn’t see her upset and crying. Knowing it would break him.

“You know I can’t, darling.” Putting on his boots, exhaling more smoke as he spoke. Trying to keep his voice even, even though it hurt him to see her like this.

“Why?” She asked again, still feeling hazy but unable to enjoy the remnants of that euphoric feeling buzzing through her, crawling towards him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Tears in her eyes.

He didn’t have to see, hearing her choked up voice.

“Why can’t you just stay for a few hours, Kook?” He sighed. Deep and heavy.

God, he loved her but he had fucked her life up enough. He couldn’t stay until his gang rivals had been dealt with.

“For your safety.”

It wasn’t enough to satisfy her, sitting beside him, holding onto his arm, trying to get him to look at her.

“Just an hour, I just want you here an hour.”

“Darling, no.”

Now he looked at her, face stern, but he broke seeing hers.

The tears, her desperation.

Fuck.

He fucked up.

Really fucked up.

And just for a moment, he softened again, wiping her tears with his thumb and kissing her forehead, his lips lingering just a little too long.

Then, he got up, putting on his shirt.

“Please JK.”

He would fuck up again and again for her. And one day, he could stay with her for however long she wanted.

When he didn’t say anything else, putting on his jacket, she said something she had never said to him before.

“I fucking hate you, Jungkook.” Voice broken. So full of hatred.

But he could swear he heard something that contradicted her words.

“You don’t, princess.” With that, he left the room, not even looking at her anymore.

“I’ll be back.” His voice sounded from the front door before it clicked shut behind him.

No, she didn’t. She didn’t hate him, not fully at least.

In this moment, she did, though. Crying in the emptiness of her apartment, cold and alone. Heartbroken.

Already waiting for him to show up again.

Loving Jeon Jungkook wasn’t easy.

But she would love him regardless.